


all those late nights in your dad's old truck (what did i mean to you?)

by emrys (livingshitpost)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bad Ending, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon Compliant, Consensual Sex, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Jedi Ben Solo, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Naked Cuddling, Names, Nudity, One Shot, Parent Han Solo, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Canon, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Sad Ending, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Humor, Soft Ben Solo, Trans Poe Dameron, Water Sex, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron, he's not great but. he's trying, i'm still gonna post th anidala fic but fr now have this, not shown but like. it happens, some luke/wedge bt not enough to merit tagging, whoo look at me i'm writing shit tht coulda happened what are the odds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingshitpost/pseuds/emrys
Summary: Now Poe can't hear news of Kylo Ren without his heart leaping into his throat. His mind races with fear at the possibility of his death, and there's an odd sort of both anger and relief when he hears that he's evaded capture once again.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo
Kudos: 19





	all those late nights in your dad's old truck (what did i mean to you?)

Poe has known Ben since they were little kids. They were fast friends; both sons of rebel fighters who'd inherited their parents' knack for trouble and stubbornness. When the time came for Ben to train as a Jedi, he gave his friend a hug and promised to holo as often as he could. For six years the most they saw of one another was flickering blue images, and the most they heard was staticky voices. But Ben, though he loved his uncle, missed his mother and father, and Poe missed his best friend.

* * *

Now they sit in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, Ben in the pilot seat with his tunics and tabards discarded on the floor. Poe sits on his lap, holding his face in his hands, with Ben gripping his hips and rubbing small circles with the pads of his thumbs. Their breath is warm and wet as they press their foreheads together, and Poe can't help but chuckle. 

"What's so funny?" Ben asks, and steals another kiss.

"Nothing," Poe replies. "I just love you."

"Mmm. Love you too." Ben's right hand strays upward, slipping underneath the material of Poe's shirt. He plays idly with the smattering of dark hair that tickles his fingers, the tips of which dance against the hem of his binder.

A door opens, and both boys tense. They look at one another as footsteps approach.

"Ben?" Han calls out. "You in here? Luke's lookin' for you." He turns the corner. "Oh, kark's sake."

"Hey, Mister Solo," Poe says sheepishly, climbing off of Ben's lap.

"Don't you knock?" Ben asks dryly.

"Well, this is my ship, and I don't remember giving the two of you permission to make out in my cockpit." Han folded his arms. "Get outta here, Dameron."

"Yes, sir." Poe almost gives Ben a quick kiss goodbye, but thinks better of it, scampering off.

Han sighs and leans against the wall. "What are you doin' sneaking off like that?"

"As if you've never done it." Ben stands, buckles his pants, and leans over to grab his innermost tunic off the pile on the floor.

"I'm serious, Ben. Luke worries about you. You know that. And when he worries, your mother worries, and when your mother worries-"

"I know, Dad." The rest of his clothes get brought into a ball and tucked under his arm. "Thanks for the cockblock, by the way."

Han grunts.

* * *

Now they're sitting on the edge of a lagoon, their clothes abandoned on a stone a few hundred paces away. Poe tucks a strand of shaggy black hair behind Ben's ear as he works to catch his breath.

"That was nice," Poe says in that silky, post-love voice Ben can't seem to get enough of.

"Yeah? I did all the work." Ben laughs.

"That's what made it so great." Poe turns Ben's head and pulls him down for a kiss. "How're you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I think I might've scratched my ass on the rock, though."

"Lemme see." Poe lifts Ben slightly and gives his firm cheeks a loving squeeze. "Feels fine to me."

"You didn't even look, laserbrain."

"Don't have to look to know your perfect little ass is mine." He pulls Ben into his lap, frowning at the way his lover towers over him. "Get down here."

Ben obliges with a smile and kisses Poe between the eyes. "Love you," he murmurs.

"Love you too."

* * *

Now they're in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon once more, and there's something different that Poe can't quite place. Ben's jaw is set a little firmer. The circles under his eyes are a little darker. His freshly-buzzed hair can't mask the fact that he seems to be coming apart at the seams. When he kisses Poe, it's more aggressive. More desperate. Poe doesn't mind, per se; Ben's always been hot when he played rough. But the tenderness that used to shine through so often is such a rare sight, now.

"Ben. Ben, stop."

Ben pulls away from the hickey on Poe's neck. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Poe." Ben's long fingers card through his hair. "Don't worry."

"Strangely enough, that's not very comforting."

Ben chuckles, and Poe swears his heart might burst from his chest. Stars, he's beautiful when he laughs.

"I mean it, Poe. Everything's okay. Aside from my dad being a total sleemo about us sneaking off all the time."

"Right? Like, dude, we wouldn't _have_ to do it if you'd give us some kriffing privacy."

"Exactly!" Ben laughs again and takes Poe's face in his hands to kiss him. "That's why I love you."

Poe kisses back with a smile. "I love you too."

* * *

Now Poe is watching the Falcon take off from the window of his cabin, angrily wiping away tears and curling up on his side in his bunk. He folds his arm under his head as a pillow and glares at the wall.

"Quit moving around so much," the man below him says. "'M tryin'a sleep."

Poe groans and curls further into himself. "Sorry if I'm a bit restless; my boyfriend is missing."

"We're all worried about Ben, Dameron. Just keep quiet up there."

"Listen, just because your dad fucked Luke Skywalker doesn't mean you get to-"

"You say that like it was a one-time thing! For all _you_ know, I could be Luke's son."

"Whatever, Antilles. Don't think I'm gonna hop on your dick just because you might be Ben's cousin."

"Go play with a sarlacc."

* * *

Now Poe goes to Leia, asking for answers. His stomach turns when she gives him a sad look and tells him that the mysterious new figure they've been after, Kylo Ren, is their Ben. 

Kylo Ren, who has gone out of his way to murder countless innocents. 

Kylo Ren, who just the other day he was cursing out and branding a monster.

Kylo Ren, who seemed to have no regard for sentient life in any form.

Kylo Ren, who was so very unlike the boy he fell in love with.

* * *

Now Poe can't hear news of Kylo Ren without his heart leaping into his throat. His mind races with fear at the possibility of his death, and there's an odd sort of both anger and relief when he hears that he's evaded capture once again. Bile rises in his throat when he hears of the atrocities that only further separate the monster Kylo is from the man Ben was.

* * *

Now he meets Kylo Ren face to face. His mask is imposing, sure, but Poe can still imagine the way his intense brown eyes would shine in the light of the surrounding flames. This isn't his Ben, or anyone he loves, but he still feels just as silly and awkward after a few long seconds of silence. He could very well die right here, right now, but he still musters the courage to poke fun at the way the mask garbles his speech.

His Ben is gone, but still some foolish part of him is hoping against hope that he's still in there, just out of reach.

* * *

Now, the torture is just that much worse.


End file.
